Lately it’s been hard to find what I’m really passionate about.
It’s really hurting me. I spend most days just browsing the internet and just going along with things. Doings things sort of half-assed cause I decide it will fill up my time.
There are things I really love, but my mind always creates things that seem to be barriers. I’ve been seeing some real passion in other people, where all they think about is that certain thing and give it 200%. I haven’t been able to really feel that yet, and for anything that I did, it’s seemed to lessen now.
Am I depressed? That I’m doing a degree in something that isn’t something I love 500% but it will get me a job? Is is because I have few friends? I don’t know why I spend days just lying around thinking about this instead of finding and doing that thing that I can’t live without?
I am so saddened by this. I don’t know why it is so hard for me to commit to something. I love fashion and wanted to pursue the industry, but I don’t know why I talked myself out of it. I love music, but I don’t want to create any, just listen enjoy and promote. I love books and tv and people, but what am I supposed to do with that? I want to be more than a professional reader and observer, I want to be able to create something that I can really back 100% and give all my devotion to.
I just wonder what it is. Maybe I’m meant to be a writer of sorts? I’ve always enjoyed it. I’m trying this blogging thing, but for some reason I’ve been half-assing it. Usually, I over think it. I just have to go and do it.
Hm… I think I’m getting closer. Have a few blog posts to research and compose today, and definitely some reading to do.