Christmas thoughts

Christmas never is festive at my home.

We acknowledge it, we say it, but it’s not usually more than that.

My mom just came back from a trip to Cambodia, so she had been jet lagged and nauseous all day. My dad has been tired. My mom is always tired. She had a serious sore under her knee that was black from sitting in the plane too long. We weren’t able to do much of anything tonight.

Normal food like any other day. Phone call from family in Mexico. No phone call from family here in California. I guess my mom has just spent a lot of time with them. I guess Christmas just isn’t really our thing. Kind of a bummer, but what do I do with parents who are too tired to do anything?

I wanted to make tamales, we ended up just ordering out.

I wanted to go outside and take pictures together, but my parents were too tired and my brother had been playing Minecraft all day.

I haven’t done a damn thing today.

I made cookies… And have snacked a lot. But haven’t done anything else.

I have lost both of my grandpas this year, so it is a very sad time.

But for some selfish reason, I keep wanting to make my family do stuff together. I want us to enjoy each others company. I want my mom to stop nagging. I want my dad to stop being afraid of doing something new. I wish there were more things we could enjoy without having to spend money. I wish my brother would do something other than play on the internet. I wish I want just here to full space and do chores.

But I know I’m not. My family are very happy to see me. I’m very happy to see them. I’m just depressed that we can’t do anything else but sit here all day and complain about things, whether our not if it is a holiday.

I’m very thankful for my family.

I’m thankful that I have a roof over my head, and that my family has food to eat.

I’m thankful that my parents are still walking. They are not even fifty yet, and act like they are about to retire tomorrow. It’s very frustrating that my parents don’t want to help their weight and health issues. My dad has gotten slower and a little heavier since I moved out. It makes me depressed, and they just don’t have the strength in them to change it whenever I suggest something. How can I help them if they cannot help themselves?

I’m thankful, however, that I am here. It is nice to be home relaxing. I am very thankful for an amazing person in my life to be able to get me here with my family.

But tomorrow is a new day where once again all I have to fight for is myself, where I just busy myself because no one else wants to do anything together. We are all tired of our way of life, in a cramped apartment because we lost our house. We are tied of comprehend about each other, being annoyed and nagged by each other.

I’m very frustrated by how our family has turned out. And the only thing I can think to fix it is if we had more money. And if we had a house again. And we had a comfortable lifestyle again.

We are all living sad, worrisome lives because all three of us live paycheck to paycheck. There’s no comfort in that.

Soon enough, I will change that. I am determined to make my family happy again. I just can’t stand the pain that we are in right now.

Let’s just hope I can help us.

Happy to be home, even if I’m reminded of our stresses.

Merry Christmas

Feliz Navidad

And happy holidays.


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